Was Castro’s Attack on Biden as “Disqualifying” as the Media Thinks?
Plus....an obscure 2020 Candidate’s 🔥 Spotify Album.
Misfiring jokes and jabs, the mutiny of Trump’s “African American,” and a billionaire buys his way into the October debate. This is the Debatocalypse Round #3 edition.
I’m Chris Erik Thomas. Welcome to Issue 20 of Rubber Chicken Circuit, the weekly election newsletter from Study Hall. PS: If you like this newsletter, hit the LIKE HEART button above. It helps us reach more readers.
The Top Memes and Moments From Democratic Debatocalypse 3
First of all, we should be kicking ourselves for not seeing that “Houston, we have a problem” joke come from “cool mom” candidate AMY KLOBUCHAR with a debate set in Houston, TX. She’ll never be known as our next president but she sure can land a joke about the death of astronauts aboard the doomed Apollo 13 space shuttle.
“Are you forgetting what you said two minutes ago?” was the sentence of the night. JULIÁN CASTRO lobbed the insult at JOE BIDEN like a grenade when Biden apparently had a memory blip during a debate on health care policies. For the record, Biden did say that people who lose health insurance from their job could “buy into" his plan, but like many of Joe’s gaffes, his words weren’t what he meant. PolitiFact called Castro's attack on Biden's "buy in" mostly false, but really? Every word matters and if you’re going to toot your health care horn, Biden, shouldn’t you make sure to not fuck up the idea of “buying in” to health insurance? Post-debate, media pundits like disgraced former Chicago mayor Rahm Emmanuel called his comment “disqualifying” (almost as disqualifying as Emmanuel’s list of failures) but I don’t really see this as the final nail in Castro’s campaign’s coffin; his bottom of the barrel poll numbers are doing enough damage on their own.
Everyone was expecting fireworks from ELIZABETH WARREN and BERNIE SANDERS finally joining each other on stage for a debate but the results were more sparkler than bottle rocket. They’re like grandparents who want the same thing but grandpa yells everything while grandma talks in an “inside voice” and takes you to the classroom to explain complex things in a way you’ll understand. If we confirmed anything last night, it’s that the biggest death match of a Warren presidency would be against all the corporations she’s ready to put in a chokehold GLOW-style.
One of the final statements for each candidate focused on how they’ve shown resilience in the face of their biggest setbacks. It was all going very on track — Biden had a really touching moment about the deaths of so many people in his family — but then CORY BOOKER went all-in on his apparently longstanding feud with “March of the daggum Penguins,” the incredible piece of cinematic history that stole the Oscar away from Streetfight, a film about Booker trying to become Newark, New Jersey’s mayor in 2002.
Say what you will about PETE BUTTIGIEG’s big-donor-grabbing, neoliberal ways, but while Booker was busy lamenting his feud with penguins, Mayor Pete gave a really strong answer on coming out as gay in his socially conservative city of South Bend. Yes, it’s the same story he’s told since he began his campaign but this was definitely his strongest take on it yet and was just powerful enough to secure him a spot on the frontrunners’ potential VP lists.
If you were wondering how the debate would proceed for ANDREW YANG given his outsider, non-politician status, he spoke for less than eight minutes. Even with that limited time compared to everyone else, he still got out the news that he’s giving away $1,000 a month for a year to twelve families as part of his universal basic income plan. (Which would actually be legal!)
2020 Bad Boi BETO O’ROURKE didn’t drop the fuck word like I thought he would, but he did promise that “hell yes, we’re gonna take your AR-15,” which was enough to get a Texas state Rep. Brisco Cain to send him a death threat. God bless America!
Overall, it was an explosive and sometimes ridiculous night of jabs, plans, and whatever KAMALA HARRIS was trying to achieve with this Wizard of Oz reference.
Have feedback or want to slip us a tip? Reply to this or email chris@studyhall.xyz with your scoops and suggestions.
The Walking Dead
And a Boneheaded Billionaire Makes 11.
Ah, to be a wealthy white man named TOM STEYER in America. Imagine being as blithe as he is to the years of hard work people have put into their political careers. The billionaire and leader of the Trump Impeachment Club (who definitely looked at himself in his very expensive bathroom mirror this year and said, “I could buy that presidency thing”) has finally done it. He’s now officially become the 11th Democrat to qualify for the October 15th debate. In America, there’s nowhere a little elbow grease and $100 million of your own fortune can’t get you.
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON:Step aside, 'Bernie Sanders' Dank Meme Stash'. Marianne has her own Dank Meme Stash and it got its own NYT article. JOHN DELANEY: New strategy for making people remember you: stack four campaign signs on a long stick. Repeat as necessary. (Results may vary.) TULSI GABBARD: She’s paid more than $259K this year to a mysterious “consultant” with no political experience who lives in a remote Washington village accessible by horse. This is not an Onion headline. BILL DE BLASIO: Wants to create a robot tax (but would settle for polling above 1%). JOE SESTAK: Philadelphia newspapers asking the hard-hitting, shady questions the mainstream media is too afraid to ask: “Can Joe Sestak go from an Econo Lodge in Iowa to the White House?” Lol go off, Philly.MICHAEL BENNET:Winning the race to eat “iconic” South Carolina food like Cajun Filet Biscuit. Looks like we’ve got a new fun-loving loser to replace Gillibrand! STEVE BULLOCK:His campaign “doesn't end until the early states have voted,” which means we have a few more months to remember what he looks like.TIM RYAN: On an embarrassment scale of 1-10, releasing a Spotify album because nobody listens to you on the campaign trail is an 11. Someone come get your man.
Trump Check
Remember Trump’s “African American” From 2016? He Just Left the GOP.
Okay, so maybe the never-ending avalanche of Shit Mountain directly on to your brain made you forget Gregory Cheadle (no relation to Don). He was once described by the president as “my African American” at a campaign rally when we still retained a glimmer of hope that Trump wouldn’t make it to the Oval Office, considering he did things like, you know, calling someone “my African American.”
What a difference three years makes. We’ve become accustomed to having panic attacks over every news notification, the weed vapes and flavored e-cigarettes people thought were cool are probably going to cause a plague, and Gregory Cheadle is leaving the Republican party to run for office as an independent. No no, don’t worry. He’s not running for president. He’s running for the House of Representatives in California. Yes, this will be his fifth time running but with his no-holds-barred approach this round (see: calling out the GOP’s “pro-white” agenda), maybe Cheadle will actually have a shot.
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Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where Wayne Messam is. See you next week for another serving of Rubber Chicken Circuit.
