Welcome to Biden’s “Round the Clock Sex” Bathhouse of Confusion
Plus, can you guess the indistinguishable bottom-feeder candidate? It’s the debut “Who’s That White Guy?”
Protests for transgender rights, support for sex workers, Bootsy McNobody takes a walk and a half-assed debate boycott. This is the “GAY RIGHTS!” edition.
I’m Chris Erik Thomas. Welcome to Issue 24 of Rubber Chicken Circuit, the weekly election newsletter from Study Hall. PS: If you like this newsletter, hit the HEART button above. It helps us reach more readers.
The Headline
They Gotta Fight For Our Right to Equaaaaaaaality
Breeders, take note: Please ask your LGBTQ friends how they’re doing this week because it has been a confusing, scary week for the community — and a ELIZABETH WARREN clapback at straight men during a CNN town hall isn’t going to paper over the problems we’re facing. A lot has happened but at the top of the shit list, there’s the possibility that the Supreme Court could fuck over LGBTQ people yet again.
Whether you live in the U.S. or, like me, have fled to Europe to experience the wonders of darkroom bars and multi-party governments, you should be paying attention to how the Court rules on three cases that could determine whether employers have the freedom to fire gay and transgender employees. The issue stems from Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, which “prohibits employers from discriminating against employees on the basis of sex, race, color, national origin and religion.” How do you interpret “sex” 55 years after that case? The answer could disenfranchise transgender Americans for decades to come.
As doom-and-gloom as this seems given the conservative-leaning makeup of the Supreme Court right now, it isn’t all bad news. While Justices like beer-and-sexual-assault bro Brett Kavanaugh debate the cases, the leading Democrats in the race for the presidency focused their attention on the community this week. There were plans. There were protests. There was a historic CNN town hall focused on LGBTQ rights that produced this meme-worthy Warren moment.
It was a big gay day for Warren yesterday. Before that moment happened, she competed with PETE BUTTIGIEG for the title of Most Comprehensive LGBTQ Rights Plan. While Mayor Pete’s plan, Becoming Whole, had a title one word away from becoming porn dialogue, both candidates’ plans overlapped more often than not. They would lift the gay blood ban, ban conversion therapy, and ensure access to HIV prevention meds like PrEP. The only piece of the puzzle that they were missing was something that no other candidate seems to take seriously: repealing FOSTA-SESTA, a piece of legislation created to reduce sex trafficking that has actually made it harder for sex workers to do their job safely, and has had a chilling effect on all free speech online.
Some, like KAMALA HARRIS, have voiced support for decriminalizing sex work, but that came as a major shift after she fought for and celebrated FOSTA-SESTA, failed to properly investigate a group of police officers who were trafficking a young sex worker, and had a site used by sex workers to safely do their job, Backpage, shut down. Others, like BERNIE SANDERS, apparently need more time to decide if legalizing sex work is part of their vision for America. In a Teen Vogue interview, Sanders recently said he “will discuss” and consider “all sides” of the issues facing sex workers.
It was expected that this law would come up during the CNN town hall but, by the end of the night, there was only one question about decriminalizing sex work and it was directed at Amy Klobuchar of all people (she, in moderate fashion, declined to support it). Having no broader discussion about the legalization of sex work or the ramifications of FOSTA-SESTA was not lost on the side of LGBTQ Twitter that wasn’t busy screaming “yas” at Warren’s viral moment. Beyond this major omission, the other big moment of the night came not from candidates, but from protesters who regularly interrupted the town hall to talk about the epidemic of violence against transgender people. So far in 2019, at least 19 transgender people fatally shot or killed by other violent means, with a majority being transgender people of color.
Beyond these two moments, all of the candidates signaled that LGBTQ rights would be a cornerstone of their presidency; several even said that they’d withhold aid from countries that allow discrimination against LGBTQ people and withhold money from nonprofits and schools that don’t recognize same-sex couples. Even JOE BIDEN got through the night without any of the usual screwups. That was a joke, everyone. It’s the Amtrak Masseuse we’re talking about. Of course he said something stupid and out-of-touch. This time, it was a weird line about gay bathhouses I’m just going to let you read real quick: “We talked about this in San Francisco, it was all about, you know gay bathhouses. It’s all about round the clock sex, it’s all … c’mon man!” Naturally, this came in response to a race-related question, which is apparently Uncle Joe’s Achilles heel since he can’t get through a question about race without talking about record players or racist senators being nice guys. So yeah, bathhouses. Not quite as bad as a few weeks ago when he defended himself against criticism over his record of supporting the Defense of Marriage Act, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” and his whole “Mike Pence is a decent guy” thing, but still pretty bad.
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Notable Numbers
11
Possibly the number of people on stage at next week’s debate now that TULSI GABBARD is threatening to boycott the event. After quitting the Democratic National Convention last election cycle over claims they were rigging the election against Bernie Sanders (which, you know, true), she has now claimed that the DNC (and corporate media) are trying to rig 2020. It’s definitely valid to complain that the media is fawning over Biden, but isn’t it counterproductive to skip your biggest shot at national exposure after working so hard to make it to the stage? This feels more like a publicity stunt than an act of defiance against the DNC machine.
12
The number of LGBTQ migrants that JULIÁN CASTRO tried to help cross the Mexican border on Monday. The asylum-seekers were stuck in Mexico because of Trump’s Migrant Protection Protocols policy, which is just a fancy title for making people remain in Mexico while they wait for court dates. At first, Castro and the group’s lawyers were able to get them over the border but after three hours, all 12 were sent back. Little things like this are what has made Castro’s campaign so interesting to watch, but without any national spark, he’s better off leaning into the activism lane like his mom and abandoning hope of becoming 2020’s underdog success story.
0
The percent chance that you’ll win a new game debuting this week on The Circuit: Who’s That White Guy? Combining childhood nostalgia, a “graphic design is my passion” level of artwork, and a sense of dread that half of the candidates are feeling as reality sets in, I’m challenging you to differentiate between JOHN DELANEY, TIM RYAN, MICHAEL BENNET, and STEVE BULLOCK. Good luck and, if you give up, scroll to the end for the name you’ll forget five minutes later.
The Leftovers
These Boots Are Made For Failing (And That’s Just What They’ll Do)
JOE SESTAK is going to walk across New Hampshire in his most aggressive stunt yet to remind you that he exists. If you have a fetish for old white guys walking long distances, you might recall that this isn’t Sestak’s first foray into Forrest Gump politics; he walked 422 miles across Pennsylvania in 2015 while running for Senate, which didn’t go well. I miss the good ole days of him haunting Econo Lodge hotels and filming his sequel to the Blair Witch Project. Now, please enjoy this photo of him holding the boots he wore in his sad, failed race for Senate.
ANDREW YANG:Called on the NBA to “stand up for the free speech rights of its employees” as the league struggles with Chinese backlash over displays of support for Hong Kong from people like Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey. CORY BOOKER:Saying “if you come after Joe Biden, you're going to have to deal with me” isn’t intimidating when you give off the energy of a corny dad at a PTA meeting. AMY KLOBUCHAR:She might’ve only raised $4.8 million in Q3, but that’s $1 million more than Q2 and enough to keep her “cool centrist democratic mom” shtick going for a few more months. BETO O’ROURKE:In a very Groundhog’s Day move, Beto is staging another counter-rally against Trump in Texas on Oct. 17. Take a shot every time he says “fuck” or “impeach” next week in Dallas. MARIANNE WILLIAMSON:As the old saying goes: “First the worst, second the best, third the nerd, and... sixth the spiritual mecca of chakra alignment?”At least she was #1 at the Chicago gay bar Sidetrack during the LGBTQ town hall.TOM STEYER: He qualified for the November debate because nothing tastes as good as buying your way into the election feels.
Trump Check
Donald Trump Just Yellow Rained on Prince’s Grave.
Trump wasn’t content to just generate news that gives me heart palpitations this week; he also decided to take a page from his Russian golden shower playbook and piss on the grave of Prince. At his rally in Minneapolis, the sound of “Purple Rain” blasted through the stadium speakers because clearly the man has never read the lyrics of the song. Or, at least, just the two first lines: “I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain.”
Literally everything Trump has done since invading the White House has involved both sorrow and pain. This was no exception and the Prince estate responded by reminding everyone they “will never give permission to President Trump to use Prince’s songs.” Though, given that “Purple Rain” is about the end of the world, maybe the estate should let them make it the official theme song of Trump’s reelection campaign?
WHO’S THAT WHITE GUY? It’s Montana’s own Steve Bullock. We forgot about him, too. See you next week for another serving of Rubber Chicken Circuit. If you like this update, please hit the heart button below! It helps us reach more readers.
