America Drops de Blasio. Now He Knows the Groundhogs’ Pain
Plus, Beto’s disastrous hot mess of a Reddit Q&A.
One million unique donors, campaign pivots, home state losers, and Marianne Williamson impersonators. This is the de Blasio Dropout Party edition. ***If you like this update, hit the heart button above. It helps us reach more readers***
I’m Chris Erik Thomas. Welcome to Issue 21 of Rubber Chicken Circuit, the weekly election newsletter from Study Hall. Read more about us, subscribe here, and forward to your friends!
The Headline
Did Poking the Biden Bear Wake America Up to Castro?
Before the dust even settled on last Thursday’s debate, political pundits and Twitter critics were frothing at the mouth about JULIÁN CASTRO daring to ask JOE BIDEN if he’d forgotten what he said two minutes ago. It’s a question that shouldn’t be controversial when Uncle Joe has said "poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids," called a debate opponent "president," and offered condolences to Houston for a massacre in El Paso. The reality is that Biden is a hot mess who would be better off in a retirement home, not the Oval Office, but even implying that is political heresy. Or at least that’s what all the critics thought when people like former Chicago mayor and genuinely terrible person Rahm Emmanuel called Castro’s comments “disqualifying.”
Well… surprise, bitch. Castro’s big moment at the debate led to his best fundraising of the month in the 24 hours immediately after the onstage clash. It also shed some light on one of the most interesting people in the race. In the past week alone, Castro has: become the first candidate to make a TikTok (a new social media platform popular with cool teens that makes me feel like a granny); added screen reader compatibility, high-contrast visibility, and variable text sizes to his website; and talked with progressive activist Ady Barkan about health care and growing up with Mexican-American civil rights activist Rosie Castro as his mom. Yes it’s nine minutes and that’s eight minutes longer than your attention span, but I highly recommend watching it.
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Notable Numbers
1,000,000
The number of individual donors that BERNIE SANDERS has reached, which makes him the first in the crowded field to reach the benchmark. It’s definitely a big achievement but right now, the media has another progressive on its mind. Yes, the season of “ELIZABETH WARREN could win” hot takes hasofficiallybegun — including one crazy op-ed about the Warren presidency “from the year 2050.” Naturally, this also includes the usual bUt iS tHiS WoMAn ELeCtaBLe argument.
Please note: The Warren selfie line is NOT like Frederick Douglass AT ALL.
-10,789
The number of “downvotes” BETO O’ROURKE’s very first answer got on his disastrous Reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything). The free-wheeling, fuck-word-throwing candidate probably walked into the Reddit Q&A thinking he was about to win some points with the youth, but he left as the conductor of the hot mess express. As soon as Beto logged on, a Redditor asked the question on many minds since he vowed to take back people’s guns during the third debate: “How will you confiscate the millions of AR 15s?” His answer was a naive mess of saying that people will “comply with the law” when it becomes “mandatory” for them to give up AR-15 and AK-47s. How does he plan to make people put down their guns? A skateboarding competition outside the local Whataburger?
52%
The percent of Americans who want Rosario Dawson to be President CORY BOOKER’s First Lady! Kidding. It’s actually the percent of New Jersey residents who think that their Senator would be a bad president. Big yikes there, but it isn’t all bad news for Booker in the home state poll. Nearly half of respondents, 48%, think he’d be a great Vice President. There’s still hope for a real-life Cory in the House sitcom!
24
The number of endorsements AMY KLOBUCHAR has in Iowa after landing the support of six former state legislators. That’s more endorsements from current and former legislators than any other presidential candidate in the race. Put that number next to the 8% support she just got in a state poll and it seems like her moderate approach might just be winning over the Iowans, even if she can’t break the 2% ceiling she’s stuck at nationally.
7%
How many Californians support ANDREW YANG in a new Emerson poll, which is pretty embarrassing for KAMALA HARRIS, who topped out at 6%. The home state advantage that Harris banked on clearly isn’t working if the tech entrepreneur running on the promise of giving everyone $1K a month is beating her. Not exactly a great poll right after she just made headlines for her new “I’m fucking moving to Iowa” strategy (investing as much energy there as possible), but maybe a few of the 60 new staffers or those 10 new campaign offices she just opened came with a 90-day return policy?
0%
The amount of support NYC mayor BILL DE BLASIO had in a city and state-wide poll in New York about presidential candidates before announcing that he is ending his campaign. Yes, that’s right. He finally made up for accidentally murdering that groundhog by putting his campaign out of its misery. Sorry to the literal one person in that poll who said they’d vote for de Blasio, but I think everyone else is taking the news pretty well.
The Leftovers
JOE SESTAK: Gay Rights!!!!
Okay, so the old guy with a soft spot for terrifying videos of him roaming the darkness didn’t actually say “gay rights” (or hold poppers while saying it like queen Charli XCX). Instead, Sestak did an interview with definitely-gay website LGBTQ Nation that, among other things, confirmed he’s down with the homos, would fight hate and violence against the community “darn hard,” and doesn’t have a white savior complex because he “looked at every minority as though they were equal” in the Navy.
Meanwhile, actual gay PETE BUTTIGIEG upset the homosexuals by stating that he “can’t even read the [LGBTQ+] media anymore because it’s all: ‘Too gay, not gay enough, wrong kind of gay.” “Wrong kind of gay,” is, ironically, how most gays describe Buttigieg.
TULSI GABBARD:On this week’s episode of Bad Girls Club, Tulsi tweeted that Trump is turning the U.S. into “Saudi Arabia’s bitch.” JOHN DELANEY: If your kink is spaghetti alle vongole, prepare to sit on John Delaney’s face. MICHAEL BENNET: A new profile in The Atlantic can be summed up as follows: “His qualities are unspectacular” and “his career has been a qualified failure,” but hey, he sure does listen well! STEVE BULLOCK:Will The Big Lebowski save his “good buddy” Bullock from being shut out of the October debates?(probably not) TOM STEYER: Positioning himself as a “climate crisis” candidate, which means he's 2020's new Jay Inslee but instead of thousands of words of climate change policy, he just has billions of dollars.TIM RYAN: Visited striking General Motors workers in Ohio, but all I can focus on is how confused his biceps are making me feel. MARIANNE WILLIAMSON: SNL just hired Chloe Fineman, the #1 Marianne Williamson impersonator in our mortal realm of existence. The POWER of the Orb Gang!
Trump Check
Forget Trump (This Week), Educate Yourself on the Global Climate Strike Instead.
Yes, as per usual, Trump did and said awful things this week. Let’s forget that for a second. Today, millions of people around the world are marching in the Global Climate Strike. I just got back from one in Berlin with over 100,000 people in attendance and that’s just one city. Thousands of cities have protests planned. I could say more, but it’s best to just read what the organizers have said about the event below and then head to the website to see what you can do to help raise awareness about the fact that our planet is literally dying. In over 150 countries, people are stepping up to support young climate strikers and demand an end to the age of fossil fuels. The climate crisis won’t wait, so neither will we.
Young people have woken up much of the world with their powerful Fridays For Future school strikes for the climate. Now, millions of adults are joining in a huge wave of that will kickstart renewed action all over the world. The urgency of the climate crisis requires a new approach and a just response centered on human rights, equity, and justice. Follow the actions and join the movement.
As a sign at the climate march said, “Make Love, Not CO2.” See you next week for another serving of Rubber Chicken Circuit. If you like this update, please hit the heart button below! It helps us reach more readers.
