Beto O’Rourke’s Punk Rock Playlist is a Sausage Fest.
Plus an overdue goodbye to two candidates and America’s Moron Messiah.
5000+ words on Elizabeth Warren confirm what we already know, Marianne Williamson explains why black people should vote for her, and Cory Booker’s nonbinary ‘Niephew.’ This is the Candidate Dropout Extravaganza edition.
I’m Chris Erik Thomas. Welcome to Issue 17 of Rubber Chicken Circuit, the weekly election newsletter from Study Hall. Read more about us, subscribe here, and forward us to your friends!
The Headline
Lay Down That Boogie and Play That Funky Music Till You Win.
There’s a special sort of magic that comes from smashing together your favorite tracks to create a custom soundtrack. Before we had Spotify playlists, there were mix CDs threaded with illegally downloaded Limewire tracks and, before that, mixtapes decorated with Sharpies and, before that, well… you get the idea. The point is, music is powerful and on the campaign trail, you can bet your star spangled ass that your walk out music will be noted — never forget TIM RYAN using Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” at the Iowa Democratic Party Hall of Fame Celebration.
That’s why all the major candidates running for president (or at least their campaign staffers) are attempting to wrap their entire campaign messaging in one smooth playlist. What tracks make it onto a playlist can be picked apart and analyzed for messaging, with bar graphs rising up to visualize just how many white men take up space on a particular person’s playlist. Rather than listening to each candidate’s mix, the New York Times did it for us.. After a long scroll through the candidate-by-candidate breakdown, here’s what you need to know about just how many people are pandering to people of color through the lyrics of Stevie Wonder and Whitney Houston.
Who run the playlist? Girls. At least that’s the mood for KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND. Her mix is made up of 73% women which, given her push to be the feminist candidate, makes her the most musically on-brand contender for the glass-ceiling voter block.
On the polar opposite end of that, we have two candidates who don’t seem to realize that women can make music. BERNIE SANDERS’ and BETO O’ROURKE’s playlists are as male-dominated as the Republic legislature — 93% of Sanders’ songs are by men and 94% of O’Rourke’s punk wet dream artists are guys. To be fair, Sanders’ playlist is a slim 14 songs but really? The only song by a woman on it is “Unconditional Love” by Against Me!
Speaking of LGBTQ awareness, PETE BUTTIGIEG put his gay mayor street cred to the test and packed in a few “LGBTQ artists and allies,” including trans soul singer Shea Diamond and Years & Years. Now if only someone could talk some sense into him and make him stop using Panic at the Disco’s “High Hopes” as his walkout song.
Finally, when it comes to, you know, people of color, JULIÁN CASTRO and KAMALA HARRIS are leading the charge with songs by Latino and Black artists, respectively. Sure, Castro’s scant 14 track playlist reflects the “studious dullness of someone who learns about new records from supermarket speakers,” but at least he’s repping his heritage? For Harris, her playlist is most likely to be played at a party thanks to a heavy dose of funk, soul, gospel, rap, and hip-hop. Oh, and in a move that makes O’Rourke shed a very angsty tear, there are zero rock songs in her mix.
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The Hot Links
The Summer of ELIZABETH WARREN.
GQ road tripped with the surging Senator and confirmed that she has plans, puts up with “exactly zero bullcrap,” and finds it absolutely “fabulous” (italics included) that six women are in the race. It’s a lot of words for essentially the same thing we’ve been hearing about Warren, but there is one interesting bit that shines a light on her methods. After Mallory McMorrow flipped her district in 2018 and became the youngest woman elected to the state Senate in Michigan, Warren called her up to gather intel on what people cared about in the state, confirming that the “smart older lady who’s thought of everything” is really on to something here.
Is TOM STEYER Making a Mockery Out of the DNC? (Yes.)
When you pour $10 million of your own money into convincing 130,000 people to donate to you, that’s a pretty obvious flaw in the system. But hey, if Marianne Williamson can audition for the next season of SNL on the debate stage, why not let this billionaire buy his way into legitimacy. Yay, capitalism!
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON Explains Why Black People Should Vote for Her.
The spiritual guru sat down with The Root to talk about everything from her controversial opinion on prescription drugs, vaccines, and AIDS to the sexism she faces as a woman, which gave us this very on-brand quote: “Me being a woman is not toeing the line. It’s outside the box. The box is putrid. The box is insane.” I’m all for destroying the putrid box of sexism, but maybe not from a woman who called AIDS the “physical manifestations of a psychic scream.”
MICHAEL BENNET Pounds Some Truth Into the Campaign.
Like, literally pounded. It’s customary for presidential candidates to sit down with Iowa’s prestigious newspaper, the Des Moine Register, at some point to try to convince the staff they’ve got the chops to be president. Apparently, the Colorado Senator took the “chops” part seriously — he “knocked, smacked, tapped and karate-chopped the table” over 50 times while speaking to them about the “clown car” in Washington.
Why Is ANDREW YANG Still in This Race?
Kind of a weird title given that Yang has qualified for the next debates, passed the 200K unique donor mark, and averages a $24 donation from 88% of the ZIP codes in the US, but hey. The Asian tech entrepreneur who wants to give everyone $100 a month has caught on with Americans — including Trump voters. “Yang is the new Trump,” according to one. Yes, Yang is the polar opposite of Trump (“An Asian man who likes math”) but maybe this odd candidate who dances to the “Cupid Shuffle” and says we’re fucked “unless we un-fuck ourselves, systematically and collectively” is going to save us all?
SETH MOULTON Hopes Iowans Will Remember Him. (They Won’t.)
Yes, you forgot about the boring white guy from the equally boring state of Massachusetts. Everyone did. He thinks he’s “breaking through” in Iowa despite literally all evidence on Earth. Apparently, people came up to him “at the urinal in the restroom, saying that they're here to hear my speech,” which is how half my Grindr dates start.
CORY BOOKER: I have a Nonbinary ‘Niephew.’
The candidate opened up about his brother’s child, who is nonbinary, and introduced the term “niephew” (niece and nephew) into our lexicon. “[They have] helped their uncle be someone who is more aware of specific issues facing trans youth in schools today.” Now we know the backstory behind his strong advocacy for trans and nonbinary people.
The Leftovers
JOHN HICKENLOOPER and JAY INSLEE both dropped out of the race in the last week, so here’s our sendoff to the two candidates that never caught on. Let’s hope Hickenlooper runs for Senate in Colorado and Inslee becomes the head of the Environmental Protection Agency if Democrats win in 2020.

JOE BIDEN: It’s not a great sign when a neurosurgeon has to assure people your brain isn’t damaged. AMY KLOBUCHAR: Got an endorsement from the former President of the National Corn Growers Association. WAYNE MESSAM: New strategy? Posting sweaty shirtless selfies on Facebook. TULSI GABBARD: Her “zombie” campaign probably won’t make it to the next debate, but her fabulous grey-streaked hair will live on forever. TIM RYAN: He wants to be America’s first “zen president,” but can’t he just settle for trying to poll above 1%? STEVE BULLOCK: Helping Trump understand whether Greenland is for sale with isgreenlandforsale.com. BILL DE BLASIO: His mission to save “THE best pizza place” in NYC is more exciting than his presidential run. JOE SESTAK: The flashy old guy is “intriguing,” which I guess is enough at this point? JOHN DELANEY: The guy who looks like your friend’s dad is also the swole king of 2020 contenders.
Trump Check
Brazil is Burning, So Let’s Forget America’s Moron Messiah This Week.
In the past few days, Trump has:
Tried to buy Greenland from Denmark.
Called the Danish prime minister “nasty” and cancelled a trip to Denmark when she called his idea “absurd.”
Went on an antisemetic rant questioning the “loyalty” of Jewish people who support Democrats.
Called himself (again) “the least racist person ever to serve in office.”
Accused the media of “trying to convince the public to have a recession.”
Quoted someone who called Trump “the King of Israel.”
And, finally, said he’s the “Chosen One” to take on China in the trade war.
I’m exhausted, you’re exhausted, we’re all exhausted. So rather than focusing on that, let’s just agree that he’s the worst and call it a day. For once, his antics aren’t the biggest story we need to focus on.
Right now, the Amazon rainforest is burning because of an 80% increase in forest fires in Brazil thanks to the policies of president Jair Bolsonaro, who called himself “Captain Chainsaw” on the campaign trail. He campaigned on the false theory that economic development in Brazil was limited because the Amazon wasn’t being exploited for resources fast enough. Since becoming president, he’s cut down on the seizing of illegally harvested timber (from 883,000 cubic feet last year under the previous administration to only 1,410 cubic feet this year), decreased the number of fines for illegal deforestation by 34%, and decreased monitoring for illegal activity in the rainforest.
Now, as farmers set the forest on fire to make room for livestock pastures and crop fields, the smoke from the fires has caused the sky in cities across Brazil to go black. Fires large enough to be seen from space are burning a forest that produces 20% of the oxygen in the Earth's atmosphere while the world waits for governments to take action to punish Brazil and save the Amazon, which is as likely as Trump not saying something stupid for a week.
A gentle reminder that the climate crisis is real and we’re probably fucked. See you next week for another serving of Rubber Chicken Circuit.