Goodbye to 2020’s Most Fun, Feminist Candidate.
And hello to the 10 people that qualified for September’s debate.
Democratic dropouts, $800 million space mirrors, a race-shaking poll (or is it?), and a very scary video of Joe Sestak. This is the Dropout edition.
I’m Chris Erik Thomas. Welcome to Issue 18 of Rubber Chicken Circuit, the weekly election newsletter from Study Hall. Read more about us, subscribe here, and forward us to your friends!
The Headline
And Then There Were Ten.
The DNC’s debate guillotine hath fallen. After suffering through four debates in two months that were half-filled with white guys you’ll never know the names of, the race to be America’s Next Political Superstar has finally tightened its belt thanks to a stricter set of requirements. To make the September debates, candidates had to get 130,000 individual donors and receive at least 2 percent support in four qualifying polls, which caused a lot of distress for bottom feeder candidates with zero chance of winning the Democratic nomination. As the dust settled last night and TULSI GABBARD stans cried out to the heavens (and Bashar al-Assad), only ten candidates made the cut for next month’s battle royale:
The top ten wasn’t entirely unexpected but one very rich person trying to buy the presidency brought some last-minute drama to the debate. TOM STEYER, the guy who is spending $100 million of his own money, was one qualifying poll away from sliding into the debates and ruining it for all of us, but luckily all the polls released yesterday put him at 0% support.
There’s no word yet on from MARIANNE WILLIAMSON’s orb gang on how they plan to align their chakras to manifest her spirit and Earthling human form into October’s debate but there’s still time. Yes, despite all of the dramatics, October’s debate could balloon out to a two-night spectacle because all the candidates who didn’t qualify for September’s debate have until two weeks before the October debate to qualify. Who will “October Surprise” themselves back into the race? Stay tuned.
Have feedback or want to slip us a tip? Reply to this or email chris@studyhall.xyz with your scoops and suggestions.
Other Notable Numbers
20%
That’s the percent of support that BERNIE SANDERS and ELIZABETH WARREN each have in a new Monmouth University poll — putting both candidates ahead of JOE BIDEN for the first time. It’s a drastic shift since the last Monmouth poll in June, which had Biden holding a huge lead with 32% support compared to Warren’s 15% and Sanders’ 14%.
Yes, it’s clearly an outlier given his national lead is still in the double digits on average and, yes, it had a small sample size of 298 registered voters compared to the usual 1000+ of other polls, but the Monmouth polling data is still important. Especially when his campaign is still trying to reassure everyone that he’s “not going nuts.”
$800,000,000
The dollar amount that ANDREW YANG would invest in “giant foldable space mirrors” and other geoengineering ideas as “last resorts” against climate change. It’s all part of a $4.87 trillion climate plan that also includes the goal of hitting net-zero carbon emissions by 2049 — an eye-rolling snub of every other candidate’s plan to reach this goal by 2050. Geoengineering, by the way, involves developing technologies that manipulate the environment.
For further research, please watch Snowpiercer and Geostorm, two scientifically accurate films about geoengineering.
3%
The unofficial polling average of AMY KLOBUCHAR, JULIÁN CASTRO, BETO O’ROURKE, ANDREW YANG, and CORY BOOKER, according to the DNC’s approved polls. Despite being eternally stuck in the second tier, the five candidates have all managed to slide into next month’s debate. With the race’s top ten candidates finally gathering under one political circus tent, the statistical odds of one of these five having a viral moment that’ll boost them past the pack is higher than Bill De Blasio’s approval rating, right?
Link for photo:
64
The number of days that longer-than-a-longshot candidate JOE SESTAK has spent campaigning in Iowa since announcing his campaign on June 22. That’s more days than any other candidate, yes, but it’s also less than the number of people who seem willing to support him. Forgot what he looks like? Here, have this terrifying video of him in the darkness lit solely by his hopes and dreams.
The Leftovers
An Ode to 2020’s Most Fun, Feminist Beer Pong Champion.
It’s official. KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND has ended her campaign for president. Of all the people who’ve left the race thus far, I’ll miss Gillibrand the most. Who is going to take on beer pong duties? Who will get sweaty at cycling studios? Or arm wrestle? Or swap wardrobes with drag queens?
Beyond looking like she was having the time of her life, Gillibrand brought a serious dose of feminism to the race at a time when we desperately needed it (see: Trump’s relationship with any woman ever). So here’s to you, Senator Gillibrand, and here’s to me, getting emotional even though I knew your campaign was never going to take off.
KAMALA HARRIS: Raised over $1 million at fundraisers in the Hamptons and Martha’s Vineyard, an impressive haul if you’re ignoring how much the mega-rich have corrupted our political system. PETE BUTTIGIEG: He might have won over rich gays in Hollywood, but the lesbians aren’t here for Mayor Pete. WAYNE MESSAM: Until this man proves his presidential campaign exists, I refuse to write another word about him. JOHN DELANEY: He’s spent $24 million of his own money on his campaign, which is as depressing as the fact that it’s $4 million more than the G-7 countries pledged to fight the Amazon fires. TIM RYAN: Going for the “took a yoga class once” youth with his “Namaste, America” campaign merch. MICHAEL BENNET: DNC debate rules are “stifling debate” and “rewarding celebrity candidates.” STEVE BULLOCK: Dropping out and running for the Senate in Montana is an “absolute no.” BILL DE BLASIO: After touting it as a “big opportunity,” his CNN Town Hall was a ratings disaster. SETH MOULTON: Ending his presidential campaign was the most fame he’s ever received (and he's already been upstaged by Gillibrand ending her campaign).
Trump Check
One Nation Under Trump, Divided, With Violence and Injustice For All.
Trump has become known for many things. He’s the king of offensive statements, a serial liar, and a national embarrassment. These are all bad in their own ways but when we look back on this era in history, one legacy might rise above the rest: the streak of violence that has followed him since the day he announced his presidential run in 2015.
In the last four years, we’ve seen his campaigns become a breeding ground for hate. His own campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, has assaulted a reporter, and supporters have dragged, pulled hair, and even sucker-punched protesters. It was an ugly period and, after being elected in 2016, it got uglier and more violent. It’s been less than a month since a killer targeted Hispanic people at a Walmart in El Paso and a year since an antisemite went on a rampage at a Pittsburgh synagogue; both incidents, we found out later, were inspired by Trump’s ideology of foreign “invaders.”
It’s hard to keep up with how many Americans have turned Trump’s violent rhetoric into violent action, which is why Jon Swaine and Juweek Adolphe at The Guardian have unveiled an ongoing list of the threats and acts of violence that Trump supporters have carried out since 2015.
There are 52 so far, which is 52 more than there should ever be, but this is our reality. Yes, we could just tune out, plug our ears, and hope that the election will end this national nightmare for good, but this project is a visual reminder that the issue is larger than Trump. His rise has allowed Americans to feel emboldened to act on their anger and fear and, once they have that confidence, pulling it back isn’t a problem that can be solved just at the ballot box.
Who will be the next candidate to drop out? Find out next week with another serving of Rubber Chicken Circuit.
