Was the 7-Hour Climate Town Hall Punishment For Our Sins?
Plus the backstory behind Tulsi Gabbard’s grey streak (it’s a memorial)!
Fracking fights, Biden’s big money gaffe, and delusional white men refusing to drop out. This is the Climate Catastrophe edition.
I’m Chris Erik Thomas. Welcome to Issue 19 of Rubber Chicken Circuit, the weekly election newsletter from Study Hall. Read more about us, subscribe here, and forward us to your friends!
The Headline
A Ridiculously Long Sentence About What Happened at the Ridiculously Long Climate Change Town Hall You Definitely Didn’t Watch All Seven Hours Of.
Jay Inslee walked so we could run. After launching a presidential bid as the “climate candidate” and fighting the DNC for a climate-focused debate, it finally happened. Sort of. And only happened weeks after he dropped out. In a move as cold as a new ice age, the first-ever forum devoted to the climate crisis aired for a full seven hours, which is how long it takes to watch Adam Sandler’s Jack and Jill film a full four and a half times (and it’s unclear which would have been a better use of your time). Why so long? Instead of debating, the participants went one-by-one in an agonizingly slow rollout of their plans. Not even Greta Thunberg would’ve sat down for it all so instead of pretending you watched, here’s a recap of the most important points.
Top 10: The candidates at the town hall were also the candidates who’ll debate on September 12: Joe Biden, Cory Booker, Pete Buttigieg, Julián Castro, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, Beto O’Rourke, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and Andrew Yang.
Frack Attack: Hours before the event, BERNIE SANDERS (probably) laughed maniacally as he called on candidates to support a ban on fracking land for natural gas, which was awkward news for JULIÁN CASTRO who supported fracking as mayor of San Antonio. He said he now supports cities and states that ban the practice but wouldn’t support a federal ban — a misstep in contrast to Warren’s newfound embrace of a full fracking ban this week after she had originally called for a ban only on federally owned lands.
Filibusted: If you’ve been wondering how the grandiose plans that candidates have been dreaming up would actually happen, you’re not alone. The topic of implementing their climate plans was brought up and of everyone, KAMALA HARRIS had the most forceful response. If Congress (see: Republicans) oppose a Green New Deal, she’s willing to use executive action to abolish the filibuster and pass legislation.
A Nuclear Split: Clearly ANDREW YANG and CORY BOOKER didn’t shit themselves in horror watching Chernobyl like the rest of us. Although about half the Democratic field is into the idea of nuclear energy, Yang and Booker were the most vocal advocates for turning us into radioactive three-eyed fish. Yang argued that it’s “much, much safer to dispose of” waste now and Booker said: “People who think that we can [avert a climate catastrophe] without nuclear being part of the blend, just aren’t looking at the facts.”
Moderate Progress: It’s one thing to play the moderate card in other issues but really, AMY KLOBUCHAR? Taking a moderate approach to a literal climate catastrophe that is threatening the entire world? The Minnesotan wants a future where we can “continue to have hamburgers and cheese” and said she’d review “every fracking permit” and decide which ones are too dangerous, which is all of them actually.
Big Money Blowback: You know what’s awkward? JOE BIDEN signing a pledge to not take money from oil and gas executives and then getting called out live at a climate town hall for attending a fundraiser hosted by a natural gas executive. Uncle Joe apparently “didn’t realize” that Andrew Goldman is a “long-term investor in the liquefied natural gas sector.” Naturally, his staff called it a “premeditated hit” and then Biden just… attended anyway.
At CNN’s #ClimateTownHall, @JoeBiden hesitated to cancel a fundraiser tomorrow w/ natural gas company co-founder Andrew Goldman. We can’t trust someone who signs the #NoFossilFuelMoney pledge & rubs elbows with those who cause this crisis the next.Have feedback or want to slip us a tip? Reply to this or email chris@studyhall.xyz with your scoops and suggestions.
The Hot Links
Trumpworld Anxiety Grows Over a Rising ELIZABETH WARREN.
Republicans don’t have a plan for stopping the candidate famous for her plans. As the Summer of Warren draws to a close and her rise to frontrunner status is cemented, the GOP operatives tasked with taking her down are ringing the alarm bells. She’s come a long way from her Native American DNA test mess last year and as we’ve seen from her TED Talk level of oratory wizardry at debates and town halls, nothing can stop her right now.
MICHAEL BENNET, STEVE BULLOCK, and Other Low-Polling Democrats Soldier On.
If you read that headline, closed your eyes, and tried to visualize what Michael Bennet and Steve Bullock look like, I can’t help you. I couldn’t pick them out of a police lineup and, apparently, neither could Iowa voters. Beyond their rock-bottom poll numbers, Bennet and Bullock’s campaigns have been beautiful disasters. Like, taping “Bullock” placards on old yard signs because they didn’t have any for a house party level of disaster. I love mess.
TULSI GABBARD, the Mystery Candidate.
What in the world is Gabbard up to? That’s the question swirling around the candidate right now because the anonymous tea is that she’s definitely not trying to be president. It’s easy to turn her into the face of a million conspiracy theories considering she’s been boosted by Russian bots, got into the debates thanks to donations from neo-Nazis, and really loves pretending Syrian President Bashar Assad isn’t a war criminal. Is she the face of some evil plot or just a weirdo with a grey streak in her hair that’s a vigil to fallen service members? What is the truth? Tulsi, please reach out and clarify.
BILL DE BLASIO, The Candidate Nobody Wanted, Contemplates the End.
Like a fart in the wind, de Blasio may finally give up. It’s been hard being the biggest joke of a race that literally includes a spiritual guru who called herself “the bitch from God", but he’s remained persistent; probably because he hates being New York’s mayor as much as New York hates him. His big bet for staying in the race is that he’ll have a viral moment before the October deadline to make it to next month’s debate but so far, he’s only going viral for the fact that he literally worked seven hours total in City Hall in May and, in the past, his biggest viral moment was accidentally killing a groundhog, which is terrible and sad and I definitely didn’t rewatch the video of it twice while writing this.
The Leftovers
PETE BUTTIGIEG: The Sharpie-edited map of Hurricane Dorian’s trajectory that Trump showed “is an embarrassing moment for our country.” BETO O’ROURKE:“Has a hard time,” in Virginia articulating why he should be the nominee.” MARIANNE WILLIAMSON: Tweeted and deleted a message telling people the power of prayer and meditation could “turn away” Hurricane Dorian. TIM RYAN:His national organizing director jumped ship to Andrew Yang's campaign — doing the same thing. JOE SESTAK:The other Joe running for president said that “Iowa was built for me,” which is giving me big Beto “I was born to run” vibes. TOM STEYER:Trump is the “most corrupt president in American history.”JOHN DELANEY:Meanwhile, in whatever universe he lives in, privilege is on the menu!
Trump Check
You Can’t Sharpie Over Stupidity.
Sometimes, we have to laugh to keep from crying. Yes, we’re living in an unbearable hellscape of embarrassment and horror until someone cleans the McDonald’s grease and spray tan residue off of every surface in the Oval Office. Yes, the president spent the week diverting billions of dollars from the government to pay for a stupid wall he promised Mexico would pay for. Yes, he found time to get in a Twitter feud with Will & Grace star Debra Messing.
It’s a lot to handle and this week, maybe it’s best to pack away all of that and just rewatch this video of him showing off a map of Hurricane Dorian’s projected forecast that has Alabama included in Sharpie because he’s so fragile that he can’t admit being wrong about something.
Please end this national nightmare in 2020. See you next week for another serving of Rubber Chicken Circuit.
